Hey, kids. I’m still here. It’s been a while though, and my apologies for the extended quiet. I didn’t forget about you, but I’m back in school, as I might have mentioned before, and I’m learning all over again that school is difficult and time-consuming.

In the meantime, though, I thought you might enjoy this. It’s something my own mother did for me when I was a child and she had to sometimes spend weeks away from home at university - she would record chapters from books, so at night I could pop in the tape and hear her reading to me.

What? What’s a tape? …A tape is what we used before CDs. …CDs are what we used before DVDs. …DVDs are what we used before Blu-Ray.

Anyway. I decided to start with one of my favorite books from back in the day, The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien. I hope you enjoy this.

https://soundcloud.com/yourinternetdad/bedtime

Anonymous asked: Hey Internet Dad. I'm really afraid talking to people. I can't seem to go up and ask people things no matter how much I need to. And it's impeding on my life, I'm lonely and can't do the things I want or need to and I don't know how to fix it, mainly because my school's counselling services require me to go up and talk to someone to make an appointment, and every time I try I just end up freaking out and leaving or hanging up. I hate being like this but I don't know what to do. Can you help?

Okay, kiddo, this is one time where it’s Really Tempting for your old Internet Dad to go “Oh, I know that! It’s (this thing)!” this thing being a nearly crippling social anxiety disorder that I still am dealing with. But I am NOT a doctor or therapist and I have absolutely no right to tell you that’s what it is. And my usual bit of advice “talk to a doctor or therapist” is useless to you if you can’t get an appointment to begin with anyway. 

So this is something of a unique challenge for me, let’s say. 

Okay. So. First of all, I know this might not help much, but it’s important to remember (I remind myself frequently) - basically no one out there is against you. Most of the time they aren’t going to yell at you, be upset with you, or generally try to hurt you. Especially not at a counselling office. With that in mind,  well, if speaking is part of the problem, have you considered, well, writing down what you need to say on paper in advance? And then you can either read off of it, or hell, just hand it to the person at the counter and avoid eye contact. I don’t normally advocate avoiding eye contact by the way but maybe this time it could help? The idea is getting you IN THAT OFFICE, a few social faux pas be damned.

Some folks have trouble expressing themselves verbally. It’s just the way they are. So if writing is simpler, than go with it. I don’t know if it was a simple thing for you to ask ME tonight, but you managed! So just keep this up, and don’t allow yourself to quit. Try not to dwell on your nerves or fear, and act without giving yourself the chance to hesitate. 

and aside from getting counseling, if you’re lonely, consider making friends online - but not just leaving it at that. If you meet people who you know live in your area and you can build a certain amount of trust with them, well, see if they maybe want to meet and hang out in person. Be up front about it being tough for you to talk to folks, though, so they aren’t caught with it off guard and ignorant, but give them a chance. It might just start with one person you feel comfortable around and build from there. With a little luck, you know?

This was kind of rambling, I guess. Sorry about that. This is just such a big question and I definitely don’t know all the answers - I wish I did, it would make my own life simpler. But I hope it helps. Best of luck, kiddo. You can do it. I believe in you. 

allfillernokiller asked: Hey Internet dad. How do you know if you're wallowing in self-pity? And if you are wallowing, how does one stop it?

Well, kiddo, first of all, a little self pity once in a while isn’t so bad. Think of it as an indulgence. 

Wallowing in it, though, not so good. It’s not exactly simple to tell if you are, though. I’ll be up-front about it; I’ve never been able to tell on my own. I’ve been told by a friend or family member, ‘Hey, Internet Dad. Stop wallowing.’

So what to do, if no one has called you out? Well, just put it to yourself - if you saw someone else behaving in a similar way to yourself, would you call that wallowing in self pity? Try to be strict with this - I find I cut the hypothetical other person a lot more slack than I might in reality when the answer reflects on me. If you really honestly don’t think you are, well, carry on, then. Just don’t overdo it. If you even have to ask, you might want to start taking steps.

Steps like, well, moving forward. Whatever has you down, well, it’s happened. But you still have to keep going. Do the things you enjoy. Try some new things to get yourself out of your rut, if you’ve slipped into one. Try preparing a new food you’ve never thought to try, or go somewhere new if you’re not the cooking type I guess. Go for a long walk. Maybe even a run, if you wanna. Basically I think it would help for you to shake things up a little in ways which make it difficult to fall back into the comfortable patterns of self pity. New experiences, a little experimentation, these might help.

That’s the idea, anyway. You might get more or less mileage out of it, but I hope it helps, kiddo.

Hey kids.

A friend of mine gathered up this very, very helpful collection of links. I think they’re worth reading. And then reading again. There’s a lot of good stuff in here, and maybe some of it will be helpful to you.

edit - maybe I should INCLUDE those links, what do you say?

carydarling asked: dad, my irl dad is kind of a shit sometimes. i know he means well, but he really polices what i eat a lot. he says things like "you know where this goes...!" (implying my tummy/turns into fat) when i eat candy or sweets. i could care less about "looking fat" because i know i'm healthy, but my dad cares about how i look more than my health i think. whenever i tell him to stop, he just says "IT'S BECAUSE I CARE" or gives me a snarky, sarcastic response. what do i do?

So, kiddo. I think it’s like this - parents have a hard time understanding that their children are adults and capable of making their own choices about things, sometimes. They still act in Parent Mode even when it’s basically no longer necessary or even appropriate. But even with the best intentions, playing food police on someone isn’t cool. But I don’t know, it’s not always as easy as “Hey lay off, I’m grown” because, you know, it’s your dad. He still thinks you’re a kid and he can just be the boss of you automatically. That’s what you’re dealing with now, right? 

So let’s brainstorm solutions. One that leaped to mind is to just eat in private so he can’t bother you, but on second thought that’s not really a good idea, because it’s not like you have anything to be ashamed of or hide. So forget that. This isn’t your issue, it’s his. You could try the potentially tedious approach of just standing firm, eating what you want, and if he ever gives you a hard time of it telling him straight up “I’m grown, healthy, and I’ll eat what I choose,” until he drops it. But that could take.. god only knows how long. And I don’t know your father, if he’s the type of guy who would make a fight out of this, and if that’s something you can afford. 

…Do you think that if you just told him, you know, straight-up told him something like “This hurts and I don’t feel like you really care about this aside from how I look” in a really genuine way, that it might get his attention? I don’t know if you have or not, but you might consider that. 

…good grief, I’m having a hard time thinking of anything beyond that. Basically what it boils down to is that you have to break him of the habit of thinking of you as a child (in this, at least) and get him to respect your choices. And that’s about as easy as uprooting a god damn tree barehanded, if my own experiences with MY parents are even the slightest bit similar. You’re going to have to be patient, persistent, and willing to stand your ground.

I know you can do it though, kiddo. Hang tough. I hope this helps.

hamigaki-momo:

I bet if Strongbad had a Tumblr he’d wanna make the most popular ask blog

I identify with this.

Anonymous asked: I'm currently renting a room from a friend and his family for about a year and a half now. And since then I started crushing on his wife really bad. I haven't said anything to anyone because obviously this would make things incredibly freaking awkward. But seeing her so much everyday and not being able to say anything really eats at me, you know? I don't know how to make myself stop feeling the way I do, but it sure seems like something needs to be done. Any thoughts, Dad?

Kiddo, that’s.. I don’t need to tell you that’s Not Good. It’s unfair to her - she didn’t ask for this! And it’s unfair to your friend, too - it’s a betrayal of his trust. And while you might be doing a good job of keeping it under control for now, how long can you keep it up? Sooner or later they’ll clue in, and it might not be ‘awkward’ - it might be ugly. I won’t mince words - if you can’t figure out a way to get over these feelings, and you want to preserve your friendship, I think you need to start looking for somewhere else to stay. And sooner, not later.

If you don’t think that’s an option you need to start spending more time out. Meet other people. Hang out with other friends. Put yourself more often in the circumstances where you can meet people you’re attracted to, and less often in the situation where you’re hanging out in the presence of this woman. Set up an OKCupid profile or something, do singles events, whatever. If money is an issue, keep your eye out for free or low-cost stuff. Go running in the park. Keep yourself occupied, body and mind!

What I don’t want you to do is sit there and dwell on her, on this situation, on yourself. I don’t think you’re a bad person - you didn’t ask for this either. Don’t rake yourself over the coals. Just take steps to fix this situation. I’ve answered a lot of questions about dealing with getting over crushes and that sort of thing - see if any of the advice in those can help you. Just do something.

Best of luck, kiddo. I know you’ll do the right thing.

Anonymous asked: Hey, Dad. There's this guy, and I really don't like him because of the way he acts, and because of things that have happened in the past. I've tried being friends with him, but it just never worked out. So for a while now, I've been avoiding him, and I get kind of a sick feeling in my stomach just from seeing him. He's not a bad person, I just don't like him. My question is, in avoiding him, and feeling this way when I see him, am I holding a grudge?

Well, kiddo. If he had clearly changed his ways, that would be one thing, but from the sound of things this guy is still behaving in a way that bothers you. I don’t know what that may be, but clearly it’s bothering you significantly. But you tried. You’ve done your part - you gave him a chance, you tried to get past your differences, and it’s just not going to happen. So why force friendship or feel guilty about the dislike? Sometimes people just rub us the wrong way. It’s not always logical or “fair” but that doesn’t change anything.

These gut reactions come from somewhere. Either from his past behavior or possibly even something you’re picking up on unconsciously which is leaving a bad taste in your mouth so to speak. Follow your instincts. You know what’s best for yourself, and some part of you definitely thinks this guy isn’t someone you should be around.

I think the best thing you can do is accept that you feel this way while acknowledging that you don’t know exactly why. You say he’s not a bad guy, so just continue to avoid him - for your own well-being if nothing else. You feel uncomfortable around him. There’s no reason to subject yourself to that. I trust that if he really isn’t a bad guy, like you say, you’re not going to go out of your way to badmouth him to others or anything.

Now on the other hand - if he is actively seeking you out and trying to be around you, you might need to tell him to leave you alone - “You’re making me uncomfortable, please leave me alone” or some variation. There’s been a lot of articles on creeps and possible ways of dealing with them posted lately, look those up because they’ll tell you more strategies than I could imagine and probably more useful to you than any I can think up - dealing with creeps isn’t something I have had to put up with that often as a big man. It’s not my place to tell other people how they should handle it because their experience is going to be so different from my own.

I hope this helps a little, kiddo. 

Anonymous asked: Hey, dad. My mom has raised me my whole life to follow their example as a christian, and for a while, I did. But as of a few years ago, I no longer believe in God. Meanwhile I haven't told my mom because I just know it'll devastate her. But she constantly wants me to go to church and obey the rules of the church, and I don't want to any more. But I also don't want to risk having her feel differently about me. What should I do?

I’m sorry, kiddo. I’ve been stewing on this one for awhile now and I don’t think there’s any way you can do this which won’t change things between you and your mother at least a little. Clearly her religion is very important to her and she wants you to feel the same. I can’t think of any way for you to tell her how you feel that might not upset her. That’s just something you’ll have to accept.

In the long run though, it’s your life, not hers, and it doesn’t strike me as fair that you should have to observe services and make a show of following a faith you don’t share any more. You’re old enough to make this decision for yourself. Tell her how you feel, tell her why you feel that way, and then prepare yourself because you might be in for an extremely difficult time afterwards - anywhere from hours to months depending on your mother, I have no way of knowing. 

You’ll just have to tough it out. The only other choice I see is going through the motions to placate her while not really caring, and I don’t personally consider that an acceptable option because living a lie is miserable.

I wish I had a better answer for you, kiddo. Ask some other folks who you can trust what they might suggest. Ask some friends who’ve gone through similar experiences. See what other people suggest and then decide for yourself what the best option might be.  I hope that it works out for you and I hope this helps a bit.

Anonymous asked: Dad, I am having a really hard time with life and everything right now and I don't know what to do and I could really use a hug.

There’s always time for that. kiddo. C’mere. 

It’s gonna be okay.